Do You Like Me?

Ever meet someone and find yourself instantly drawn to them, or meet someone and question what’s there to like?  Sure you have. Do you ever wonder what it is about people that captures your attention, draws you in, and keeps you there?  Tim Sanders says the secret is found in understanding our “L-factor”. In his book, The Likeability Factor, he states that “likeability is truly the secret of a charmed, happy, and profitable life”. He goes on to say that everyone has an “L-factor” – an indicator of how likeable you are.  Those with a low “L-factor” are usually miserable and have high relationship turnover, hold grudges readily, are arrogant, and are quick to anger.  Those with a higher factor achieve greater success, are happier in their career, family life, and relationships, and are friendly, trustworthy, and connect well with others. 

The good news is that Sanders says you can learn how to boost your likeability in four ways:
• increase your friendliness – Do you smile often and greet people cheerfully?  Does your body language reflect your friendliness?  When you meet people for the first time, project friendliness, never the opposite.  When you leave the house every morning for work, put yourself in friendly mode.
• raise your relevance – this is your connection to others.  Find out their interests, their passions, their wants.  Get to know the people around you by being interested in them. It is not always about you.
• show empathy – this involves great listening skills, the ability to respect other people’s feelings, and the capacity to see things from another’s point of view.  It is connecting with the other person and being able to put yourself in their shoes.
• be real – Be authentic.  Be true to yourself and be true to others.  People can easily spot a fake.

Having a high “L-factor” can enhance your personal life and bring you more joy. People will gravitate to you and your relationships will be more fulfilling.  Sounds like the way you want your professional life to operate also.  So, how does this apply in your dental practice (or other place of employment)?  Do you and your team members smile often and greet each other and each patient cheerfully?  What does the body language of everyone in the office say?  Does the person answering the telephone have a smile on their face?  Do you connect with each other, and really like, trust, and respect one another?  What do you know about the others’ family, interests, triumphs, and heartaches?  Are you quick to “tell” a patient what they need instead of listening first and finding out what it is they want?  Can you recognize a low “L-factor” patient?  Do you listen to your team members, show them empathy and understanding?  Does your authentic self show through in all you do?  Are your team members on board and real? What is the “L-factor” of your office?

Think about it, what can you do to amplify your “L-factor”, both personally and professionally?

I was painfully shy when I was younger and came off rather aloof to a lot of people. I was not out there projecting much friendliness or openness. People had to struggle to crack my shell so I’m sure my “L-factor” was rather low. Once they got to know the real me, though, (and this usually took awhile), a connection was made. As if my shyness wasn’t enough, I had another strike against me. I was the middle of three girls and you know what the experts say about middle children: we are the people pleasers.  I spent most of my life trying to please everyone else because then they would like me and my “L-factor” would be off the charts. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t, but I know for sure that it was a rotten way to build healthy relationships.  I was sacrificing my own needs and wants so that everyone around me would be happy.
 
Wanting to be liked was an even worse way to build a foundation for a dental practice. Along with everyone in my personal life I now had to please all my patients and my team members.  I hated conflict so I would bend over backwards so that others would like me.  I tolerated abuse from patients and employees so that they would think I was a nice person and I would give way too many patients a break so they would like me more.  The sad part is that I truly was a likeable person and was selling myself short.

Over time, I did recognize that I had a high “L-factor” in my own right and I quit trying to please everyone. My life then became so much more rewarding and satisfying. I’ve overcome most of my shyness and now greet others with confidence and a smile on my face.  I’ve honed my listening skills (which always have been superior), can easily make connections with others and empathize with them, and am authentic to the core.  Now that’s a prescription for likeability.