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July 5, 2005
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Celebrating Good Times?
Independence Day brings thoughts of parades, fairs, backyard barbecues, swimming pools, fireworks, and celebration. The song by Kool and the Gang titled “Celebration” says it best:
Celebrate good times, come on! Let’s celebrate.
Celebrate good times, come on! Let’s celebrate.
There’s a party going on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years.
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We’re gonna celebrate your party with you!
My first ezine( http://www.7steps2abalancedlife.com/bbarchives.html) prompted a reader, Kathy, to write to me about her feelings of being on the mountain top and struggling to celebrate: “ When I am feeling great I have a tendency to start looking around and either feel guilty, or wonder what horrible thing will happen next, etc. My imprinting….has been to live just under the radar, and if I pop out, I am drawing attention to myself, etc.....not being humble, etc....”
I suspect that others (myself included) often feel the same way so why is it that we encounter trouble celebrating our successes?
- We feel like we don’t deserve it. Our negative self talk is doing a number on us and telling us that we are out of our league and not worthy of the success. We do not believe in ourselves and our abilities.
- We feel guilty and are concerned how others will perceive us as we celebrate our success. Others can and will be jealous of our success, and our relationships with family, friends, and peers may change. Remember that you cannot control the reactions of other people; you can only control your reactions to the success.
- We feel we will have more responsibility if we succeed. If your dental practice continues to grow and you hire more employees and increase your patient load you find yourself with greater responsibility to those around you. Some people will fear this increased responsibility and shy away from the success that could be theirs.
- We feel like a fraud and fear that we will be discovered. Some people will be on to us and they will know that we really are not worthy of this success. It was just a fluke.
- We will have greater expectations of ourselves and then we will feel the need to live up to those expectations. If at first you succeed, then the pressure is on to succeed again and again.
- We feel we have to be perfect and if it isn’t perfect, then how can we celebrate? A dentist can cement ten veneers, they are gorgeous and the patient loves them, but all the doctor can focus on is that margin on the DB of tooth #10 which is off by one millionth of a micron. We’ve all been there.
- We have a fear of failure. The fear of failure will no doubt keep you very safe but it will also keep you from achieving all that you can be. Then you won’t even have to think about celebrating your successes.
- We have difficulty being “in the moment” on the mountain top. When at the peak, we are often thinking about and dissecting every minute of our not so successful past or we are thinking and worrying about what is coming tomorrow that can knock us back down again.
- Seeing oneself as a failure is a way of life for some and they would not recognize success if it came knocking on their door.
- We are just plain scared of our greatness.
Do you see yourself in any of the above scenarios?
So what are some tips to help you celebrate the good times?
- Explore your limiting beliefs and replace them with ones which will empower you.
- Believe in yourself and believe that you deserve success. Create a new paradigm to empower you, such as “I have the talent to succeed and deserve and accept the success that comes my way.”
- Surround yourself with people who will celebrate your success with you.
- Accept the fact that success will change some of your relationships.
- Forget yesterday
- Quit worrying about tomorrow
- Take the time to acknowledge your success. Do not simply gloss over it.
- Focus on success and how great it feels. What you focus on is what you get!
- Celebrate your success in small and meaningful ways and do it frequently.
- Keep a success journal and write down your successes. Read it often to inspire you.
- Accept with pride any rewards that come your way.
My insights for this ezine came from Kathy, my own personal observations, and the article “Do You Sabotage Your Success” by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. which appeared in the San Fernando Valley Business Journal on June 11, 2001.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson, “Return to Love”
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| I have celebrated many good times and successes over the years. I sailed through three years of college and three years of dental school, owned my own dental practice, raised two well adjusted children, have been married to the same guy for over 25 years, was loved by my patients, have great friends, and am settled in a home with ten acres surrounding me. I remember celebrations with my patients when a difficult case was completed and parties with my employees savoring our success.
Yet, I am guilty as charged on most of the above counts. There are still times when I find it difficult to celebrate. I have struggled over the years to let go of the disempowering belief that “I can’t do it” even though when I look around me I know that I have succeeded numerous times. I constantly remind myself that I am worthy of all the good things life has to offer. When I built my new office my inner critic had a field day and there were many times when I felt like a fraud. Who was I to think that I could pull off being in the big leagues? I was surrounded by many people who believed in me, but the few who did not added to my anguish. I did celebrate the opening of my dream office, but there was a small piece inside of me that was never able to celebrate.
My fear of failure does keep me safe at times, but it also gets in the way of my growth and my desire to achieve all that I can be. I often get tired of living in my comfort zone and find it defeating so I force myself to stretch out of my box. Perfectionism can also stop me dead in my tracks and I am learning to “just do it” and keep analysis paralysis from ruining my chance at success. I learned how to worry from a pro, my mother, but that trait has taken a back seat, which is where it will stay.
There is a new mantra now and it is all about celebrating.
“Celebrate good times, come on! Let’s celebrate.
So bring your good times and your laughter too
We’re gonna celebrate your party with you!”
Just remember to invite me to the party!
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| Copyright 2005 - Dr. Stephanie Houseman |
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