May 27, 2008

Feeling the Fear   Which FEAR acts like a noose around your neck as it suffocates your desire to act?    Fears of: success, failure, looking like a fool, making a mistake - a really big one, getting hurt, rejection, losing it all, facing the facts and acknowledging the truth, and not achieving your desired outcome, are a sampling of the fears we all face from time to time.      Hands down; it's those critical voices you listen to and your fears that keep you small.  They perpetuate each other.  You scare yourself into inaction because you don't believe in yourself and your abilities.  How will you cope with whatever comes your way, if you do act?  Do you have what it takes?    STOP!  You do have what it takes.  You have to believe it.  "All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way," says Susan Jeffers, author of Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.   Will the critical voices and the fear ever go completely away?  NO. However, you can quiet your voices (last week's Balance Beam) and you can feel the fear and do it anyway.   Jeffers speaks of 5 Fear Truths she came to terms with:   The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.  As long as I continued to push out into the world, as long as I continued to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continued to take new risks in making my dreams come true, I was going to experience fear.  So, consider it a relief that you no longer have to work so hard on getting rid of the fear.  It isn't going to go away!  So go ahead and push forward.  Stretch yourself.  Don't let the fear stop you. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.  Fear of particular situations dissolved when I finally confronted them.  The "doing it" comes before the fear goes away.  Think of a professional speaker who now is very comfortable in front of an audience.  Was he fearful the first time he spoke to a small group?  You bet!  Did that stop him?  The only way to feel better about myself is to go out...and do it.  The "doing it" comes before the feeling better about yourself.  When you make something happen, not only does the fear of the situation go away, but also you get a big bonus: you do a lot toward building your self-confidence.  Remember the first veneer case you ever did in your dental practice?  Contrast that to how you feel now when you treatment plan an advanced case.  You've quieted those voices! Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I'm on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.  I said to myself:  'You mean all those people out there that I've been envying because they're not afraid to move ahead with their lives have really been afraid?  Why didn't somebody tell me!?'  You are not alone in your fear and you too can move forward, just as the others have. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.  Do not give in to your critical voices of self doubt and weakness - they will keep you small.   "We can't escape fear.  We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot," continues Jeffers.  So you might as well embrace the fear and hold on for the ride.   She tells a story of her friend, a self-made man who felt the fear and did it anyway: "Yes, I guess that is the way I've always lived my life, without consciously realizing that's what I've been doing.  I can't remember not being afraid, but it never occurred to me that fear would prevent me from taking the risks necessary to get what I wanted.  I just went ahead and did what I had to do to make my ideas work - despite the fear."   You can do the same.  Feel the fear and do it anyway.       "So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Franklin D. Roosevelt   "Come to the edge, He said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came.  He pushed them, And they flew..."             Guillaume Apollinaire   "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself: 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'"             Eleanor Roosevelt   "The experience of overcoming fear is extraordinarily delightful."             Bertrand Arthur William Russell       I hate being afraid; it is not a good feeling.  Worse, it has been my frequent partner in life.  It's an appendage that roars its ugly face when I don't want it to.  When I give in to it, it does keep me small.  It puts a crimp in my adventurous side (what little I have) and sometimes does stop me dead in my tracks.  I'll retreat instead of advance.  Not good!   Moreover, fear and worry go hand in hand.  They feed off each other; at least they do for me.  But, really, what is the worst that can happen if I (or you) tackle something we are fearful of.  We can do it!  And, the feeling of accomplishment - priceless!   The good news is that I can walk through my fear. I've done it numerous times.  And that's what it takes to achieve any success in life.    Have a great week and feel the fear.  Then do it anyway.   Stephanie     We grow by "word-of-email" so please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone whom you think might benefit from and enjoy it. Thanks so much! Contact Us: stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com