May 12, 2009

Is This Space For Rent?   For Rent:  Beautiful space in my head.  Yours for the taking.  Live rent-free for as long as you want.  No background or credit checks necessary.  No security deposit needed.  No need to sign a lease.  Everyone welcome. Please note: you will be sharing this space with others.     Do you have space for rent?   When you allow others to rent space in your head you are giving them the ultimate power over you.  These renters take over your happiness, self-esteem, emotions, thoughts, and even your actions.    Who are these renters?    Possibilities include: People who wronged you in the past and you just can't get their wrong-doings out of your head.  It is a place you constantly want to revisit and relive, in vivid detail. What's more, some of these same people are still in your life today and you continue to act in turmoil when around them. People who spoke harsh words to you.  You were called "stupid" by a teacher, "fat" by a peer, "you better do as I say, or there will be trouble", "you're fired", "I want a divorce", or perhaps you were scolded by someone you held in high esteem. Furthermore, when you hear those words today they bring back all the emotions of that moment. Ouch.  Of course, people of today can still speak harsh words to you. How do you react to those? People who have you wrapped around their little finger.  You're at their beck and call, ready to please at a moment's notice.  Forget your needs; they take second place.   Who are you making room for in your head at this moment?  Are they welcome?   Make your list, acknowledge the place they occupy in your head, and accept responsibility for their rent-free living.   You have turned over your power to them, after all.   How can you evict these unworthy tenants?   You must first make the decision to evict.  You've had enough and the time is now.   Then write an eviction letter to your renters.  Just start and you'll find that everything you want to say and need to say will come out on that paper.  Then perform some sort of ritual and burn that letter.    Easier said than done?  Perhaps.  However, remember that you are now taking responsibility for every person who wants to occupy space in your head.  If you don't want them there, it is your responsibility to keep them out.  You have a choice who to allow in.   Above all, forgive yourself for allowing those renters to occupy that space.  And yes, be grateful for all the valuable lessons you've gained from these renters (they are there). These will allow you to have a brighter tomorrow.   Take back that space in your head and move on.     "It is tragic how few people ever possess their souls before they die; most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."             Oscar Wilde   "Your mind is your place.  Nobody has squatter's rights in your head unless you give it, and that's a choice you make every second of the day.  Living your life by what others think puts them, instead of you, in charge of your life."             Bryan Robinson, Ph.D.   "We are not injured by the opinions of others but by our own belief that their opinions are important."             Epictetus   "The only thing that grows is that which you give energy to."             Ralph Waldo Emerson     One of the most difficult struggles I hear of from many is that they keep focusing on all the wrongs that have been done to them, or all the wrongs they have done, or their own inadequacies. It's always this or that that is keeping them from breaking through barriers to live a life of fulfillment.  They remain victims. Furthermore, their heads are so full of negative that there is no room for anything positive.    It's time to acknowledge where you are placing your energies, who and what is renting space in your head, and how you talk to yourself so that you can take back your life.  When you choose to refuse to give your power over to someone or something else, you're well on the way to living your best life.   Have a fantastic week and evict those unworthy tenants.   Stephanie   P.S.  I will be inJefferson City,MOlater this week speaking at the District 8 Toastmasters Conference.  "Attitudes of a Winning Team" will explore what you need in the workplace today to create a better tomorrow for your business.   P.P.S.  Available speaking times are filling up fast for the rest of the year.  If you would like me to speak to your group please contact me to discuss your needs.  The months of August, November, and December are good, with a few spots in-between.     Also, a big welcome to the new subscribers of The Balance Beam. We're glad you're here.   Thank you to everyone who has completed the short survey, "So You're Married to a Dentist".  I appreciate your support.  In case you missed it, let me know.     We grow by "word-of-email" so please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone whom you think might benefit from and enjoy it. Thanks so much! Contact Us: stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com