Wastin’ Away in Regretville?

 

He was wastin’ away in Margaritaville when Jimmy Buffett realized he had only himself to blame.  What is it about regret that a margarita will not cure (even though some say it might help)? 

 

“People often see how the past might have been better.  You might have acted differently, said something different, and subsequent events might then have unfolded in a different way.  Have you ever had one of these thoughts about what might have been that was especially vivid, compelling, or obvious to you?  Something you couldn’t help but think about repeatedly?”

 

This was the question asked to a group of middle-aged and older adults in a 2005 study conducted by Neal Roese of the University of Illinois.  He found that the five most common regrets expressed by these people were:
1. Education:  “I should have finished school.”  “I should have learned Spanish.”  “I should have gotten another degree.”  “If only I had studied harder in college.”
2. Career:  “I never should have left that job.”  “I never should have gone into medicine.”  “If only I were a dentist.”
3. Romance:  “I married the wrong person for me.”  “I should never have left my first husband.”
4. Family:  “If only I’d spent more time with the kids.”  “I wish I called my mom more often.”
5. Spirituality:  “I should have been more involved with my church or synagogue.”  “I wish I’d found religion sooner.”

 

Other regrets mentioned in the study were:
1. Health:  “If only I could stick to my diet.”  “I should have quit smoking sooner.”
2. Self-improvement:  “I should have been more assertive.”  “I should have been less stubborn.”
3. Finance:  “I should never have sold my parent’s home.”  “I should have bought that stock back then.”
4. Altruism:  “I wish I had done more to help others.”

 

Roese went on to say that “overall, these findings show that people’s biggest regrets are a reflection of where in life they see their largest opportunities; that is, where they see tangible prospects for change, growth, and renewal.” 

 

Notice how all these regrets are a composite of “coulda, shoulda, woulda”.  How would you have answered the above question?  When people bemoan lost opportunities, they get trapped in what is gone and are unable to see the possibilities ahead of them.  You can not change the past, but you can change the present so that you can have a brighter future.  There’s no point in wastin’ away in regretville; open your arms and embrace all that life has to offer.

“You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done.  It is what you haven’t done that will torment you.  The message, therefore, is clear.  Do it!  Develop an appreciation for the present moment.  Seize every second of your life and savor it.  Value your present moments.  Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you’ve lost them forever.”
     Wayne Dyer

 

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
     Alexander Graham Bell

 

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”
     Jonathan Larson

 

“Go to the effort.  Invest the time.  Write the letter.  Make the apology.  Take the trip.  Purchase the gift.  Do it.  The seized opportunity renders joy.  The neglected brings regret.”
     Max Lucado

“Have you ever had one of these thoughts about what might have been that was especially vivid, compelling, or obvious to you?”  Yes I have.  My biggest regret is that I did not go away to college.  My parents did not want me to and since I was not assertive back then, I acquiesced.  I attended St. Louis U. and lived at home, then went to dental school in St. Louis and still lived at home.  I do look back and think I “shoulda” and wonder about lost experiences and opportunities.  But then, I am happy right where I am, so there is no point in wastin’ away in regretville.  However, I do still go there on occasion.

 

That’s why I never stood in the way of my two children going off to college.  My son chose Minnesota, my daughter Florida.  John was able to study for six months in Mexico City and Valerie will be in Barcelona this summer.  They each have their own vivid college memories.

 

Come to think of it, I never received an undergraduate degree since I was accepted into dental school after three years of college.  I wonder if those college credits I received so long ago are transferable.  I could finish my senior year somewhere……..!!!

 

Have a great week, and no wastin’ away in regretville.

 

Stephanie

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