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That's My Story and I'm Sticking To It
Do you ever tell yourself stories? And then, do you dig your heels in and say to yourself, "That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
Your stories examine your beliefs; they are what you tell yourself to justify your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Stories also speak to your expectations and interpretations of situations you find yourself in.
Your stories examine your beliefs: You're out shopping (because you're bored) and you try on a new outfit which fits to a T. It's even on sale! You look at the price tag and realize the sale price is more than you usually spend on an outfit, but it's really cute and it goes great with the new shoes and new purse you bought last month. And it's on sale! How can you resist? You'll wear it all the time you tell yourself. You'll get your money's worth. Besides which, money is to be spent, not saved. That's your story and you're sticking to it. So you justify the cost of the new outfit even though...you are deep in credit card debt, your income tax payment is due next week, and your car needs repairs.
Your stories also speak to your expectations: You and your husband both have full-time jobs but you're carrying the load at home. You do all the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and your husband barely lifts a finger. The story you're sticking to is that if he really loved you, he would help more often, or if he truly cared for you he would know you are overwhelmed. You wouldn't even have to ask him for help. What's the use of speaking up, you tell yourself. It never does any good anyway. Your husband just doesn't care.
Your stories speak also to your interpretations: You are the chairperson for a charity event to be held in a few months. You've asked your best friend to be your co-chair. She is not able to help because of prior commitments, but you can't get over the fact that she is your best friend and won't change her plans to help you. Your story tells you that if she really wanted to help she would, and she is just using her plans as an excuse. She, on the other hand, is upset with you because you are misinterpreting her "no" as an "I don't care about your charity." Your friendship then becomes strained.
Many of the stories you stick to keep you from living life on the balance beam. You accept them as the truth and use them as excuses for making changes in your life because you can't see any other possibilities. Moreover, your relationships suffer when you are unable to speak your truth and listen to the truths of others because the stories get in the way of effective communication. Furthermore, one story usually leads to another, just as harmful.
How do you break the habit of telling stories that are harmful to living your best life? Ask yourself these questions: What's not working in my life and what is the story behind it? What do I desire in my life that my story is keeping me from doing or having? What is my payoff for sticking to my story and is it worth it? How does my story affect my happiness, success, and relationships with others?
How would my life be different if I changed my stories? How magnificent could it be?
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