March 25, 2008

Did You Hear The Latest?   Did you hear the latest about Sue and her husband?  Did you hear what happened the other night at the party?  You wouldn't believe what I just heard about Jim!   Your ears perk up as you listen to the latest "news," and you can't wait to tell Mary what you heard.   You've just engaged gossip. Gossip is one of the oldest forms of spreading news and stories, but much of it contains misinformation.  Furthermore, the majority of it is of a trivial and personal nature. It's idle talk.  Rarely is it the truth.  And, it is hurtful.   "Gossip is black magic at its very worst because it is pure poison," says Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.  "We learned how to gossip by agreement.  When we were children, we heard the adults around us gossiping all the time, openly giving their opinions about other people.  They even had opinions about people they didn't know.  Emotional poison was transferred along with the opinions, and we learned this as the normal way to communicate," he continues.   So, why do you engage in gossip?  Gossipers often have low self-esteem and feel when they talk about others and their follies, it makes them appear to be stronger and more important.  They also feel they will fit in better with their peers when they engage in gossip conversations. Not true.   Gossip clouds the truth and there does come a time when it is your truth that is on the line.  Or, perhaps it is the truth of one of your family members, co-workers, or friends. Gossip is destructive as it spills its venom into our personal and professional lives.   The costs of workplace gossip are many, according to Kit Hennessy of the Faculty and Employee Assistance Program: Lost productivity and wasted time. Morale and trust are eroded. Increased anxiety among employees as rumors circulate without any clear information as to what is fact and what isn't. Divisiveness tends to grow among employees as people may "take sides". Feelings and reputations are hurt, sometimes causing severe damage. The "gossipers" may jeopardize chances for their own advancement because they are perceived as unprofessional. Good employees may leave the company due to the unhealthy work atmosphere.   Is gossip costing your workplace?   If so, following are some tips to end the gossip:  Make the decision to have a gossip-free workplace.  It starts at the top and is spread throughout. Walk away from the gossip free-for-all and encourage others to do the same. Turn the conversation around and say something positive about the person or the situation. Say nothing.  Do not get dragged into the middle. Stand your ground and remind everyone of the gossip-free workplace that was agreed upon.   It takes discipline to end the gossip.  Ask yourself how you would feel if others were gossiping about you before you consider gossiping about others.  It's a two-way dead-end street.  Don't go there.         "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."             Dorothy Nevill   "Who gossips with you will gossip of you."             Irish saying   "In our appetite for gossip, we tend to gobble down everything before us, only to find, too late, that it is our ideals we have consumed, and we have not been enlarged by the feasts but only diminished."             Pico Iyer   "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip."             WillRogers     You can't turn on the TV, pass the magazines at the checkout lane, or read a newspaper without seeing the gossip section.  Which celebrity is doing what and with whom?  Who's gained weight, who's thin as a rail, who's in rehab, who's ill, and the list goes on and on?   Sure, these celebrities picked a profession which puts them in the public eye, but they didn't sign up to be exploited in the gossip pages.    What if a gossip magazine was made of your workplace?  Is there a gossip reporter in your midst to report the "news"?  If that magazine is full, it's time to lay down the rules about gossip.  If the pages are empty, then congratulations for working in a gossip-free zone!   It's no different in our own lives.  There is occasionally someone out there talking behind our backs, spreading rumors or lies about us.  Or, perhaps you gossip a bit too often. No harm, you say?  Think again.   Have a fantastic week and enjoy a gossip-free zone.   Stephanie     We grow by "word-of-email" so please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone whom you think might benefit from and enjoy it. Thanks so much! Contact Us: stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com