January 23, 2007

How To Leave The Ostrich Behind   "It's not denial.  I'm just selective about the reality I accept," said Bill Watterson, author of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.  No matter what your definition, denial is not a comic matter.  Failure to confront your harsh truths, be they personal or professional, will prevent you from living your best life.    You will not soar if you are unable to meet your truths head on.  Just as an ostrich has his head buried in the sand, so do you.  Just as an ostrich can not fly, neither will you. Refusing to acknowledge the unpleasant situations in your life and those areas that are not working robs you of the opportunity for growth and success.  Your denial becomes self-defeating.   What keeps your head in the sand?  FEAR. This is by far the number one reason.  You are afraid to face the situation because then you would have to deal with the fall out or the failure.   For example, you haven't been feeling well, are short of breath and have chest pain every so often, yet you don't schedule a physical exam because you fear the results.  Or, you're afraid to quit a job you hate because you fear the uncertainty of the future. COMPLACENCY.  "Oh, it's not really all that bad," you tell yourself. "I can manage this."  So you keep on doing what you have always been doing, but it still is not working well. LAZINESS.  If you admitted to yourself that you get out of breath going up a flight of stairs, or none of your clothes fit anymore, then you just might have to get on an exercise and eating healthy program.  "That takes too much effort," you say and talk yourself out of it.   COMFORT.  You prefer to be comfortable so you avoid situations which require you to put yourself out there.  It's too uncomfortable to confront, to ask for what you want, or to risk being disliked by someone so you settle for life as it is. RISK.  If you risk taking your head out of the sand, then chances are that something could go wrong and then you would be worse off.  How would you ever fix it or get back on your feet? HELPLESSNESS.  "It's just the way it is.  I can't do anything about it," you say.  Or can you?  BLAME.  Blaming others for your circumstances certainly takes the heat off yourself.  It will always be someone else's fault and never yours.  However, if you do not accept responsibility for your actions change will never occur.    Reality rules!  Are you ready to get your head out of the sand, stick your neck out, and acknowledge your truths?  Follow these steps: Decide today that you've had enough of the sand.  The time is NOW to brush it off.  Hose it off if you have to. Make a list of your personal truths. Be honest about what is not working for you, be it financial, marital, health-related, etc.  No more hiding in the sand. Make a list of your professional truths.  Face the reality in your office or place of employment.  What is not effective? Write down what keeps your head in the sand regarding these truths.  Acknowledge the reason(s). Choose a truth.  Start with the one which if you dealt with would have the most powerful impact in your life. Write down what this impact would be as if it is happening today.  Keep this vision front and center as you act on this truth. Create an action plan.  What do you need to do?  What additional information, if any, do you need?  Who can help you?  Carry out your action steps.  Remember the vision. Celebrate your success. Repeat Steps 5-10.    When you get your head out of the sand and face the realities of your life you can leave the ostrich behind.  He won't be able to fly with you as you soar with the eagles.         "Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."             Walter Anderson   "The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.  We live in denial of what we do, even what we think.  We do this because we're afraid."             Richard Bach   "Doing more of what doesn't work won't make it work any better."             Charles J. Givens   "Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously.  Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life.  You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.  You will find peace not in denial, but in victory."             J. Donald Walters        Running away from my problems and burying my head in the sand never solves anything.  Denial zaps my energy and keeps me from moving forward because I am so fixated on the problem I can't or won't deal with. That is not a constructive use of my energy or my time.  Better to use my power to confront the issue (difficult as it may be) and get over it.  Otherwise, life becomes a crisis and I'm constantly putting out fires.  That is no fun.   I've followed the ostrich into the sand numerous times.  I've denied the fact that I spent too much money, delayed difficult conversations with my husband, ignored problem employees for too long, been afraid to confront, and let fear and risk stop me from tackling issues.  I can be complacent and I was never comfortable rocking the boat. Nowadays I find, though, that if I nip the problem in the bud it's easier to stay on the balance beam.  I had to face the reality of the holiday goodies, too much eating out (no kitchen), and being lax with my workouts when I had my reevaluation at the health club this past week.  I gained five pounds and regained some of the inches I had lost previously.  Yikes!  Now that I faced the results in black and white, my head is out of the sand, and I'm ready to fly again.  I'll see you at the gym in the morning.   Have a fantastic week and leave the ostrich behind.   Stephanie   P.S.  Are you having trouble getting your head out of the sand? Can't do it alone? Coaching can help.  Call me at 618-639-5433 or email drszh@7steps2abalancedlife.com        We grow by "word-of-email" so please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone whom you think might benefit from and enjoy it. Thanks so much! Contact Us: stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com