October 28, 2008

To Belong or Not To Belong   Have you ever felt like an outsider?  Perhaps you joined a club, went to a church, or became involved in an activity which just wasn't you.  Or, you found yourself in a job in constant conflict with your co-workers.  You just didn't fit in.  You did not belong.  And, you didn't feel good about it.  (Hopefully, you found somewhere else where you did fit in.)   Contrast that to a career you love with people who support you and where achievement and recognition are yours, or a sports team you participate in where everyone is a team player. Or, you are a contributing member of an organization you love, or your circle of friends supports you no matter what.  Feel the difference? You belong.   The need to belong is the third need in Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  Starting from the bottom and moving to the top of his pyramid, the five levels of needs are:   Physiological: these are the basic human needs of breathing, food, water, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep Safety: security, stability, freedom from fear Love/Belonging: friendship, family, sexual intimacy Esteem: self-esteem, confidence, respect of others and by others, achievement Self-actualization: achieving your full potential, creativity, morality   What is the need to belong?  It's the strong desire to become a part of something and to be included. You are accepted for who you are and you fit in.  You feel nurtured and are encouraged to grow, to utilize your talents, and to reach your full potential.  Belonging brings out the best in you.   People who feel they do not belong, for whatever reasons, can suffer adverse effects such as ill health, loneliness, social anxiety, depression, pain, and longing.   On the other hand, science has proven that people who actualize this need to belong are happier, healthier, and live longer lives than those who live in isolation.   They also gain strength from their strong networks, whether they be personal, business/work, community, organization, and/or religious to name a few.  Furthermore, it is a two-way street; when you feel that you belong, you become a better friend, employee, committee member, or volunteer and everyone benefits.   You choose: to belong or not to belong.       "By building relations we create a source of love and personal pride and belonging that makes living in a chaotic world easier."             Susan Lieberman   "The hunger to belong is not merely a desire to be attached to something.  It is rather sensing that great transformation and discovery become possible when belonging is sheltered and true."            JohnO'Donohue   "If both the physiological and safety needs are fairly well gratified, then there will emerge love and affection and belongingness needs, and the whole cycle already described will repeat itself with this new centre. Now the person will feel keen!"             Abraham Maslow     A need to belong is what drew me to the American Association of Women Dentists thirty years ago.  I was one of four women in my dental school graduating class of eighty-five back in 1976.  I had no female role models so I was pleased there was an organization devoted to the needs of women dentists.  I joined.    My installation October 17 as President was special and I was able to share it with family and friends.  While at theADAmeeting I also had the opportunity to mingle and network with many others. There was a plethora of groups holding get-togethers.  You don't have to look far to find a group worthy of belonging to.   Look to your professional organizations, community opportunities, social networks, philanthropic groups, religious and civic groups and join those which "speak" to you.  You'll be glad you did.   Have a fantastic week and find your place to belong.   Stephanie   P.S.  Is your workplace one in which everyone feels they belong?   P.P.S.  Change the way you look at change when you read my latestMentor's Mind column, Growing Pains.      We grow by "word-of-email" so please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone whom you think might benefit from and enjoy it. Thanks so much! Contact Us: stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com