Trick or Treat? The National Retail Federation reports that consumers are expected to spend $3.29 billion on Halloween this year, up 5.4% from 2004.  That’s a lot of candy, costumes, and masks.  Jalem Getz, CEO of BuyCostumes.com says “It’s all about fun, dressing up with your family, and escaping daily life in a costume.”  In a recent article for the Indy Star, columnist T. J. Banes said that “many adults are purchasing larger-than-life facemasks, allowing them to be anyone from the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’s’ big bad wolf to rapper Eminem. …The average price for large masks is $30.” Let’s see, $30 for a large mask, when many people wear one all of the time, and it’s free.  Well, not really free, when you think of the toll it takes on your life.  Masking your true identity and not being true to yourself plays havoc with living the life that you want. Life becomes an escape and a big cover up. So, what are some of the masks you wear to cover up the real you?  Five common masks are identified by Fran and Les Hewitt in their book, The Power of Focus for Women.  (Men, you are not off the hook, no one is immune to these traits.) • Approval-Seeker Mask – You are very concerned with what others think of you.  You seek approval from others for most every action in your life: what you wear, who your friends are, what kind of car you drive, what your occupation is, what kind of home you have, etc. Behind this mask is a person who wants to please others at all costs even if it means not pleasing themselves.  You believe that you don’t count and are unlovable the way you are. • Victim Mask – Victims like to blame others for their plight in life and are unable to take responsibility for their actions.  They are helpless, negative people, and they like to complain.  They have given their power away to others. • Busy Bee Mask – They run around like the Energizer bunny always doing something. They might have the belief that life is all work and no play.  These busy bees never stop long enough to take a look at their life.  What are they hiding from? • Intellectual Mask – Intellectuals are more in tune with their head than they are with their heart.  They can appear cold and detached and live a life filled with rules and regulations. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness for them and therefore they miss out on a lot of the poignant connection between people. • Rescuer Mask – Rescuers are always ready to step in and help others because they derive their self worth from their ability to care for others. As long as they are serving the needs of others, they are OK. No doubt you have recognized other masks in your interactions with people.  There is a plethora out there that would fill a costume store.  Consider the Mr. Macho Mask (I am strong and tough), the Weakling Mask (please take care of me), Miss Goody Two Shoes Mask (I am so nice and wonderful), Mr. Ego (I am the best and can do no wrong), the Perfect Mask, and the Controller Mask to name a few. But that’s just part of the story.  If you recognize yourself wearing one of these masks, and want to change, what can you do about it?  The Hewitts offer these tips: • Approval-Seekers must get in touch with their emotions and own up to them, instead of always being focused on what the other person is feeling towards them.  Pleasing others all of the time means you are probably not pleasing yourself. Take care of yourself and allow others to see you as you are. Speak openly and honestly. • Victims must take stock of their life and begin to take responsibility for their actions.  Ask yourself what you can do to take charge of your life.  Change your attitude and turn that negative chatter into positive affirmations.  Seek others who have transformed their life and enlist their help. • Busy Bees can take baby increments every day to slow down.  Schedule ten minutes at first and be totally by yourself, sit in a chair and be still.  Gradually increase this time spent alone and it will become easier for you to quit “doing”.  Shorten the non essential “to do” lists in your life. • Intellectuals must begin to recognize their emotions and bring them to the forefront rather than continuing to stuff them.  Stop and acknowledge what you are feeling and start becoming aware of the feelings of those around you.  Matters of the heart are tantamount to establishing rapport with others. • Rescuers need to ask themselves what their intention is before they jump in and offer help to someone.  Do you truly want to help (and receive nothing in return) or are you doing this to feel loved and needed?  Stop yourself when you get that nagging feeling that all is not well in paradise.  Ask yourself if it is your responsibility to fix the problem. Many of us are masters at playing games and pretending to be someone we are not.  Our mask is always on and our true self is never revealed to the world.  What a shame.  Hiding behind a mask is a sure fire way to knock yourself off the beam while you use your energy to act as if you are someone or something else.  No more tricks, treat yourself well and be authentic. Save the mask for Halloween.

“Being authentic is knowing ourselves and being ourselves as we engage with others in the activity of leadership – no playing roles, no acting, no fulfilling the expectations of others.  We are actually and exactly who we are.  Nothing false, nothing, imitative, nothing imaginary.  Being authentic means not hiding behind a mask, not faking what we think or feel, not using spin to promote a sanitized version of the truth.  Being authentic is living with honesty and integrity.  It is being transparent and congruent, matching inner reality with its outward expression.”  R. Moxley “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”  Kurt Vonnegut “Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don’t have to be anything else.”  Unknown “Authenticity is the reduction of phoniness toward the zero point.”  Abraham Maslow “We have to dare to be ourselves, no matter how frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”  Mary Sarton

Masks are not foreign to me.  The approval seeker mask speaks to me and I have worn the victim mask at different times.  Since I am a naturally caring giving person I have to beware the rescuer mask.  Oh, and I can be perfect and I can be weak.  Yes, I can wear a mask with the best of them.  I find, though, that the older I get, the masks get taken off.  I have realized that they don’t serve any purpose and keep me from living a full life.  I find my authenticity refreshing and I enjoy being with people who are authentic themselves.  My friendships are more rewarding and there are no more games to play.  No energy is wasted pretending to be someone I am not and there is less stress in my life. Have a great week.  Be authentic. Trick or treat?  You decide. P.S.  No, you are not confused.  It is Thursday, not Tuesday.  I don't live in Florida, but my eNewsletter service does.  They were shut down by Hurrricane Wilma, and are now up and running again.  You just gotta roll with the punches.

Are you lost in your maze, wandering aimlessly with no map?  Are you unclear about your goals or want to set new ones?  Are you having difficulty moving forward?  The fourth quarter of 2005 is here and it’s time to start thinking about the new year.  Make 2006 your best year. Get Your New Year in Gear is an eight week goal setting program. We’ll cover values, roles, creating a three year vision, daily, monthly, and 90 day goals, and more, tailored to your specific needs. STRATEGIC PLAN FOR YOUR SUCCESS!  The fee for this eight week program is only $500.  That is two payments of $250.00. Kickoff date is Monday, October 31, 2005. Email me at stephanie@7steps2abalancedlife.com or call 618-639-5433 for details to get started on making your 2006 a great year!  The time is now.